Growing Pains

it's a painful process, and it burns like fire. learning and growing, sorting through the muck and mire. i told God he could break me, if only to help me grow. and do i regret ever saying that? no.
it's a painful process, to scrape off this dirt. did i really think it was going to be easy? that it wouldn't hurt? I told God he could make me depressed, if only to help me learn. and do i regret ever saying that? no.
it's a painful process, and it takes so much time. to discover this faith...this relationship...and to make it mine. I asked God to challenge me, push me out of my comfort zone. and do i regret ever saying that? no.
it's a painful process, to learn to surrender and obey. it seems so simple, but im still learning to trust him every day. I told God he could have me, take everything i am. and do i regret ever saying that? again, i answer, no.


For this post I offer little description. I wrote this last night and I decided not to edit it or bother with capitals and punctuation before posting it on here, because this is exactly how I wrote it. It's not perfect, but neither am I. This is what I'm going through right now, it's me suffering from growing pains and venting my emotions.

Different

I am different in so many ways...Why do I have to be so different? Why do I so often feel like an outcast? Like I don't belong, even though other people seem to accept me? Why am I a Pastor's kid AND homeschooled? Not that I really object...but still...Why are my values and opinions often so different than the majority? Why can't I just be like everybody else and go with the flow? Do I want to be like that? Am I willing to change just so I can feel like I fit in with everyone? How much am I willing to change? What parts of me NEED change? What values/opinions should I keep? Is changing certain things a part of growing up? Or is it giving in to peer pressure? Am I happy with who I am? What will it take to become happy with who I am? God, why did you make me so different? God, thank you that I am different, thank you for who you made me to be. Help me to do my best to honour You with who I am and what I do. I love you.